Things I learnt from AWE
by alyssialui
Summary: WARNING: SPOILERS! If you dont care about spoilers, then read
1. Chapter 1

A.N: Something happened and it didnt post yesterday when I meant to.

Just a quick note, this is my new story

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Chinese pirates are pervs

Ragetti and Pintel are perves too

Will wasn't finished with that

Even Chinese (Asians? Not sure his actual race) like washable tattoos

They have cool washable tattoos, not lame butterflies and hearts

Shivering monkeys are cute

Monkeys are so smart they can light a firework that causes a chain reaction of explosions

Run to fight another day – the pirates motto

Jack Sparrow thinks hes so hott…and its so f-in true

Up is down… its maddening the impossible

Davey Jones is actually handsome…just old

Everyone Liz kissed has died

Through all that, with both of them dying, Davey and Tia never shared an on-screen kiss

Calypso doesn't get angry, she just gets bigger.

That making out with a thigh can be hot!

That you can become king of Pirates just from standing in a room and having no qualifications

Monkeys make good cannonball

Elizabeth is the movie slut.

A sword you make can come to kill you one day...unless you stab Jones' heart just in time

You're not invited to the tea party.

Braces existed in the 18th century

You can be followed by rocks

Even a skinny girl can carry 124 weapons under her cloths

If you walk down stairs slowly enough, you can prolong your death for about 2 minutes while everything else is blowing up behind you.

You can grow up at totally normal child after not meeting your father until you're 10


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: People actually like my story...although there were some _others_. Oh well.

* * *

Submitted by _orlysluv_:

stabbing someone in the heart can actually cause life

* * *

Submitted by _Brix:_

What about shruken heads make good mothers?

People can sing the same song even if they're miles apart?

* * *

Submitted by _LiTTleMiSSmOOny:_

Don't move if you drop your brain.  
Thats my peanut.  
That rocking the boat is a good thing

* * *

When you see your mother's shrunken head, the fists thing to say is "She looks Great" 

If you wanna play the piano with you're beard, then mess around with a touchy goddess.

you can get pregnant the first time you have sex, even if the guy is technically not alive...

You can sail around a whirlpool without falling in.

Will still has his amazing ability to hold his breath for a long time.

Don't eat the peanuts, Jack WILL kill you a ship can be flipped over by a crew of about 30

Its OK to lick rocks that are following you

If Davy Jones says "Is it?" someone is going to get stabbed.

It's also OK to lick your own brain

Don't beep with Calypso. She'll give you crabs

Also, when you die, you either end up in a boat, floating in some water, or in a desert being stalked by crabs...

Clip your toenails before you pull your toe off!!

you can be wed in the middle of a stormy pirate attack, by a distracted captain, and STILL make out

Don't have sex with Jack. He's got crabs on his deck.

Gods are selfish and unreliable, it's in their nature.

calypso's not a sea goddess, shes a giant with a bad temper

No ships ever sink in a whirlpool.

ALWAYS do what Calypso says, or else you'll be damned octopus/crab for all eternity

Undead monkeys would make for good pets

Being in Davy Jones' locker makes you see many MANY duplicates of yourself.

If you stab Davy Jones's heart, a bandana will somehow tie itself on your head and you automatically have a change of "pirate" clothes handy!

It's possible to make a movie out of a theme park ride!

When you have your heart removed, you get a special "pirate shirt" that has no buttons.

if you're evil, you have to have really long, sick-looking fingernails...and show them off all the time


	3. Chapter 3

Submitted by _Jacqueline-Marie-Sparrow:_

There ARE some things that can be done without a single drop of rum

* * *

Submitted by _Angel's Star:_

Dead men actually make great husbands...and fathers, aparently.

Your feet can actually get cold enough and freeze over so when you pull on them, you'll break one off.

It's possible to have an intense swordfight up on the mast and not fall off

* * *

Submitted by _DxS Phreak:_

'fingernails make excellent scalp massagers'

* * *

Bootstrap Bill didn't want to leave the Flying Dutchman after all 

Nice guys finish last, because trying to do the right thing can really screw up your life and/or end it

Even when the kraken eats your boat, it can be resurrected "back to life" to perfect condition.

French pirates where white makeup

That even a dog can ride sea turtles

if you have a bargining piece like davy jones heart.. you don't bring it on his boat where he has a shot at killing people and getting it back.

you need to have davy jones heart on board with guns pointing at it to get him to act straight.

When that fails.. two small cannons pointed at each other gets the job done

Two small cannons pointed at each other is a bad idea because the cannon balls will hit the person across from you.

Calypso may not get angry, but she does get a little crabby.

Dead monkeys look really cute in Chinese rice hats

That No one should move when you have lost your brain!

when you get two huge armadas of pirates and brittish ships squaring off, all they will do is watch one on one duels between their flagships instead of all going at it

Switching to the winning side is 'just good business'.

Calypso has Crabs

Dogs with Keys get around

You can only breathe underwater as long as your ship is upside down.

Crabs are numerous in supernatural deserts.

The captain has the longer eyescope

You can betray everyone and they will still forgive you.

Getting married during a fight and with your witnesses being the people you just killed is a good Idea.

Even if youre the most famous Actor in the movie and have been hyped to look like a badass You will die without having a single badass moment.

Undead monkeys carry pistols.

You can be brought back to life rather easily (unless you've chosen death as your fate or lost your soul to a kraken) as long as you have someone willing to bring you back, making death just an inconvenience.

That if eternal punishment in davey jones locker is being on a ship with dozens of Captain Jacks (some of which are shirtless) then I can't wait to die and go down to the depths of the locker!

The undead have really potent, strong-swimming sperm.


	4. Chapter 4

Submitted by _jillybean90:_

by saying "to me" you can make anyone believe you are a goddess...

in a fight even after people are firing someone is bound to continue to yell fire until all main people have said it

if the ship needs a captain and no one wants to be captain why dont they just get rid of the ship

a giant calypso somehow resembles a barbie...

if you cant reach the noose they'll shove you on a barrel

* * *

Submitted by _chocolatereaper:_

Captians of the flying ducthmen always have a lover, they can never be single like Jack and go pick wenchs each ten years

there is no excat accsent that Calypso has

* * *

Submitted by _Brix:_

Don't try to have the bigger telescope. Jack always has one that's bigger than your's.

It's possible to have a kid and still look ten years younger!

When you die, makesure you're in a boat. Ragetti and Pintel will drop cannon balls on you.

Monkeys don't like romance

A rope dress isn't very flattering.

If you have a gun that's heavy than you, you're going to go flying backwards.

Davy wavy Jonesy Wonesy wuvs his kwacken! An is depressed because he had to be put down.

Don't threaten Davy Jones with his heart, he'll kill your friend and make you give up immortality.

* * *

Submitted by _mangolady:_

Wooden eyes can actually move around in their sockets just like normal eyes?

* * *

Everyone needs to be really careful where they walk---Jack's lost his brain.

The biggest eyescope of all was black...

Also Teague was a Rockstar in pirate times.

The earth really IS flat

Yes, it does make you look fat.

Goddesses have heavy Jamaican accent even though they are Greek.

Peanuts are important parts of every surrealistic nighmare.

We will never know now what mark Jack had left on Beckett.

Talking about sea turtles makes prostitutes want to hang out with you.

dont try to shoot a bazooka when youre 3 feet tall

That no-one ever truly dies

Sea Turtles apparently can be trained.

Walking the plank is only a way to get people to swim.

Bad breathe will knock you off any ship.

that you can walk casually across a ship during battle

your dad will keep the shrunken head of your mother

no matter what, you will always run into someone you knew from the past and they will back stab you again and again

jack will spend the rest of his life chasing after the black pearl

Hang out with Pirates long enough, and you become one.

Jack really does care for Will as a friend and doesn't hate him at all!

Throwing tea cups around really makes you seem evil.

You can switch to the winning side without being noticed

Barbosa kicks everyone and anyone's ass

Your heart is in your left lung

Keeping your spouse's heart is romantic


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: According to a review am repeating. I dont think I am, but if i am, am sorry for that. Such great ideas need another mention. lol :D**

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Submitted by _angelicat123:_

Sea goddesses trapped in human forms show they are very angry when turned back into a 10 foot roaring version of themselves. Of course, you have to infer that, since these enlargened versions seem to be un-understandable. ROAR-A-ROR-A!

* * *

Submitted by _NalanaSpinderOfSouls:_

Rum is better than eternal life? ((compass pointing to rum before map destination))

If your a main female character in a Disney movie, you WILL be royalty one way or another.

Licking someone's eye is okay when it's wooden.

Chinese maps will be written in English lettering.

when all else fails, betray the one you love. Or say someone someone loved betrayed them.

Even pirates have an actual book of rules to be respected. Or else your daddy will strum angry notes

* * *

Submitted by _treehug:_

how easy it is to throw multiple swords through the floorboards directly into the persons hand,

how fireworks that blow up all of singapore magically leave any pirate alone

* * *

Submitted by _jillybean90:_

there is always new canons when the other ones drift off or are lost

* * *

Submitted by _Power of the Wol:_

Sea turtles make good rafts.  
Not only that but they're easy to come by. Simply wade into the sea off any given shore, wait four days without dying of thirst and lo, you'll have yourself a couple of sea turtles.

Death is a trivial matter.

Jack killed Barbossa, but he doesn't really seem to mind.

Despite being the "black hearted" bad guy of the first movie, and also the one who led a mutiny against Jack, Gibbs and everyone else seem to get on okay with Barbossa.

The Kraken isn't as big as you remember, or thought it was.

Davy Jones stops being funny when pushed over the edge.

Barbossa has the power to marry people. And he can do it whilst fighting undead sea creatures in the middle of a raging storm, on a ship locked in the grip of an impossibly massive whirlpool. What a guy. :D

Knocking away someone's teacup, when they hadn't finished, is a good comeback

* * *

Submitted by _PirateKnightoftheRings:_

True love will never end well if you're a pirate.

Beware, singing may get you hung.

Pirates can't stay dead.

Angering a Godess causes a crab pinching fest.

Stay far away from Davy Jones when he's angry, lest he decide to kill you randomly.

Even a woman can be a king.

If you fight, you can run away.

It's always Jack's peanut.

* * *

Submitted by _lovova:_

Proper girls named Swann make badass pirate kings.

Politic discussions look very much like Bar brawls.

Will will always be more cutsey than badass.

* * *

1. Pirates make good acrobats and circus performers. 

2. Norrington is a perv because in the first movie, its obvious that he is a good 10 years older than her.

3. Barbossa is a smooth negotiator

4. It is still not certain whether Jack plans these things or just makes them up as he goes along

5. Take all, give nothing back

6. Pintel got his wish of seeing Elizabeth naked (or at least partially)

7. You always get pregnant on the first try

8. Norrington will always get screwed over

Don't trust Bootstrap

Playing the organ and listening to a music box, makes you cry.

Davey Jones is secretly "The Phantom of the Opera!!

If you sail over the edge of the world, you will somehow end up on the ride Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland.

Pirates don't need to be skilled, they just need enough explosives.

EITC doesn't need to be skilled. They just need to know how to do good business.

If you die, and don't grab onto a rope, say something about someone's mother.

The first thing that a pirate thinks of doing when they discover floating lost spirits in the sea, is trying to hit them with a cannonball!!!

If you're a midget and shoot a gun, you'll fly backwards ten feet in the air.

Undead monkeys steal the scene everytime.

Barbossa is 'Chartman'

Rocks are secretly crabs hiding

The crabs scenes will either make you very hungry or very itchy

Parrots get scared and fly away from battles.

Even if you're a lowly pirate like Pintel, you still get to yell at both Jack AND Barbossa without getting yourself killed for insubordination.

The parrot always gives warnings that not one person listens to and follows.

Jack has bad luck with women


	6. Chapter 6

Submitted by _Jacqueline-Marie-Sparrow:_

"Somethings can be done without a single drop of rum."

* * *

Submitted by _BreathlessM:_

Badass female pirate kings are perfectly content to give up their longed for life of adventure in order to be the perfect housewife.

* * *

Submitted by _Sky Girl Butterfly:_

If you're 3 feet tall and shoot a big gun, you'll fly backwards if you're in Singapore. If you're balancing on a mast on a ship on the edge of getting sucked into a giant whirlpool, you'll stay just where you are and will NOT fly backwards.  
Remember, if you're 3 feet tall and wants to shoot big guns, find yourself the nearest whirlpool!

* * *

As he keeps reminding us, it just couldn't work between Jack and Elizabeth (take that Sparrabeths!!)

Everyone can fall in love; even someone who's a walking, talking octopus/lobster.

Your best friend will always vote for you for captain

Its pronounced "A-GREE-JUS

Brains are tasty

anything can be made for a two person parachute

when in doubt have tea with your enemies!

It makes me look FAT?

Where ever you are where ever you go you are ALWAYS ON THE PEARL

apparently the only way to get married is to do a sword fight in a major battle while a previous enemy "marries you"

NEVER FIGHT! -RUN AWAY! and when you cant run away; fight, to run away!

Jack is virtually invinsible, escaping even the narrowest of escapes; only the kraken itself can get him!

If you have Charts, it doesnt make you captain, it makes you chart-man

Davy Jones was the first emo person.

Dying makes Will Turner hotter.

Elizabeth Swann lacks the ability to age after ten years.

Even if you're stupid, you can still survive many crazy battles and adventures without getting hurt - just because the writers think you're funny.

Jack Sparrow always aquires many, many new crew mates that the audience will never care about just to be able to kill them off during battle scenes so that there is no reason to kill off the audience's favorite characters.

Jack always has a plan that eventually works out perfectly. Even if he's always drunk.

They are all men of their word, really, except for Elizabeth - who is in fact, a woman.

Pirates are ALWAYS fighting villains that are immortal, and yet they find a way to make them mortal every time.

To get anywhere worth getting to, you have to get lost.

Strange maps have you "running in circles."

That if you're mad enough, anything's possible. (Even without a single drop of rum.)

That if you do make out on a ship in the middle of a battle, no one will shoot you.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: HEYHEY!!! Im bac...wid Pirate cookies :D. Evryone hav one, they come in Jack, Will, Liz, Barbosssa and Davey shapes. I evn got Beckett and Tia. Also while you munch and drink the pirate rum, read the list that posted in the room in front of you.**

* * *

**Submitted by _valindil:_**

men without arms and with only half an eye are named larry

* * *

**Submitted by _Queen of the Caribbean:_**

If you pour Captain Jack a drink, he will take yours as well.

Tin soldiers are the new vogue for cannon-ammo

When your ex-first mate steals your ship, yet again, you make yourself a new flag

It doesn't matter where you go, or what you'll do Captain Jack Sparrow will mess it up for you

* * *

**Submitted by _Moony's Fire:_**

If you under ten and about to die sing a song and Pirate Kings will have to meet. even if it means bring one back to life

* * *

**Submitted by _JoJo4:_**

1) It's really hard to breathe in Singapore.

2) Peanuts are evil.

3) Cutting your own heart out is a really good way to get back at your ex.

4) Davy Jones may have been a pirate Lord, but gawsh-be-darned if he remembers where they meet.

5) Don't kiss Elizabeth. No no. Don't do it.

6) Pirates fight for freedom, but never plunder or pillage.

7) If you're the Captain of the Flying Dutchman, you can't set foot on land, but you can stand in a bath tub.

8) The real reason Bootstrap Bill was tied to a cannon is that he ate more food than his fellow pirates.

9) The opportune moment is before the bad guy stabs your friend.

10) Will was only mostly dead

* * *

**Submitted by _Captain-Rogue-River:_**

When Captain Teague isn't being the Keeper of the Code he's really Capatin Hook!!

Even if the crew your fighting is undead if you stab them with a sword it'll harm them! (except for Jones).

* * *

**Submitted by _sasuke fanatic1:_**

Will indeed is not an eunuch. William Turner I is living proof

* * *

**Submitted by _TheBeautyOfAPirate:_**

Tia Dalma knows Jack enjoyed it at the time

crabs are smarter than humans;they know how to work together

* * *

**Submitted by _chase.and.cameron.4ever.93:_**

No matter how big the sea is, 3 ships will ALWAYS be able to find each other when they want to fight.

It is possible for fathers and sons to wear their hair the EXACT same way.

Did Jack model his hair after Calypso?

How did Will get off the island? And Lizzie?

* * *

**Submitted by _Brix:_**

Up is down and down is up.

Tia Dalma can turn into crabs. Thousands of the them.

Ragetti knows how to talk to women.

Apparently, women of the pirate age didn't wear underwear.

Jack never gets the peanut! Jack the monkey does!

Barbossa loves his monkey.

Wooden maps are more usefull than paper maps.

No matter how many times you shoot the monkey, the monkey with only came to save you just beacause he missed you.

We will never know what happens when you drop a cannon ball on the people in the water.

Samara from the Ring has siblings who live in the ocean.

Craps can turn a ship into a tank.

Everyone Elizabeth kisses dies. First Jack then Norrington, then Will.

Elizabeth is not part of the deal.

Beckett likes his action figures.

Jack likes to blow things he doesn't like up. Particularily Beckett.

Forget being proper, kiss the one you love even if she's engaged.

If you slap Jack twice, he'll slap Gibbs.

Gibbs sleeps with a teddy bear even though they weren't invented until centeries later.

The sky can flash green and it isn't lightning

* * *

**Submitted by _ElvenSailorGirl:_**

The words 'Jack Sparrow' pertain to some inside joke between Singaporean girls.

No matter how nasty your bathwater is, it's good for cowering in.

You still haven't answered Sao Feng's question.

Even in a bathhouse, creepy pirates always have a massive number of weapons.

Pants on a girl in a bathhouse frequented by Sao Feng are forbidden.

You can never have too much steam

* * *

That the captain of the flying Dutchman doesn't necessarily have to look like a mix between an octopus and a human.

That pirate lords will listen to you even though you owe them all money.

maps that say up is down are unhelpful

Also, maps have to be weird in order to do anything worthwhile.

It's better to choose sides before taking your last breath

Monkeys know how to use guns.

Jack Sparrow has never met Pizarro but he loves his pies.

Jack Sparrow doesn't like when Barbossa sails off with his ships

Sea turtles are the answer to everything

Apparently, wooden charts can roll up, then unroll and still be usable

It's so cold that people's feet fall off, but they still choose to sit on deck.

you CAN be rescued from Davy Jones' locker...

Going up against a few pirate ships while having more than 40 ships at your disposal, as well as an immortal who does your bidding, doesn't always guarantee you a victory.

in Singapore, they put buildings that hold explosives and fireworks right next to each other

pintel and ragetti can tie themselfs up-side down with out any help.

That no matter what you think, there will never be enough steam.

Every time the mainsail gets hit, a ship sinks.

Tia Dalma's touch cures everything, even a broken heart.

You can sell pieces of meat of the Kraken for souvenirs.

Even if you're a woman, you can still be a king

In Davy Jones' locker, there is no wind...and yet, your hair can still blow around

Crabs can move a pirate ship

Ropes won't hold a goddess.

Jack the monkey and Mr. Cotton's parrot are in cahoots.

Capt. Jack needs a guard dog


	8. Reader Entries

**A/N: Since its almost done (readers: AWWWW!!!) and the reader's entries are so long, Im not gonna post mine and just mine ok.**

**Hush all those who luv me and hate the others. If you hate me thn f--- u and get lost. I dont need you reading my list neways.**

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**Submitted by _omgxiixluvxhc:_**

there's a goat in every movie?

will can't be a eunuch, he has a son. )

liz's dad isn't gay (he always seemed like he was) because he's going to go talk to her mom in the land of the dead

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**Submitted by _Tornintopeices:_**

1. Even if your ship is pulled down into the ocean it will still come up looking as if nothing had happened to it.  
2. It is possible to swing from a rope and land on a wet mast, wave your arms around and look like your going to fall off. Then when one of your arch enemies appears from the mast you can turn and fight him.  
3. If you have a peg leg it is possible to walk along a wet and slimy mast and not fall over.  
4. It is possible to kneel on a wet mast without falling off  
5. Even if your ship has numerous holes in it's sails it will ALWAYS sail faster than a ship with no holes in the sails.  
6. Despite the fact that you are the Pirate King it is impossible to sail on a ship out to where one has been wrecked just to say 'hello' to your husband and introduce his son to him.  
7. On a wooden map there will always be wooden circles that can move around, even though the map has been rolled up a lot.  
8. Wooden maps ink doesn't run when exposed to steam or water. However tattoo ink does  
9. It is possible to stay in a tub for nearly five minutes without drowning.  
10. Street vendors carts explode.  
11. Every Singaporean bath-house has a collapsable back wall that even the clever pirate lord who probably frequents there a lot doesn't know about.  
12. If you drop a cannonball it will roll backwards and not hit anyone.  
13. Godesses are really open about their history/love lives.  
14. Death is an inconveniance.  
15. Davy Jones can walk through masts and whatever but he cannot get his crab claw out of a small hole.  
16. Having a philosophical discussion about cruelty with your enemy in the midst of a maelstrom will inevitably lead to him stabbing someone you are about  
17. Will Turner is indestructable.  
18. It is possible for sea life to grow on someone NOT in Davy Jones's crew.  
19. It is possible to fit sword handles through tiny gaps in the floor.  
20. Even if you ship has 300 cannons no one will think to use them when your being attacked buy two ships.  
21. The Black Pearl is indestructable.  
22. Even though there wasn't any exchanging of rings or even the full vows you can consider yourself married.  
23. When you are kissing on a ship, no one will shoot you.  
24. Cloth with holes in makes a good parachute.  
25. The Armada are stupid.  
26. Pirate Lords speak in third person.  
27. Jack Sparrow's eye make-up never runs, no matter what.  
28. The second a ship has gone into the center of a maelstrom it clears up and the weather brightens up considerably.  
29. Pirates do not need to eat.  
30. When your panicing it is totally possible to shoot a thin rope  
31. It is a requirement that every officer where a white wig in exactly the same style so they all look alike  
32. Whoever stabs the heart becomes captain. So who would have been captain of the two with mini-cannons which shot the heart  
33. Whoever stabs the heart becomes captain. So shoot it.  
34. If Davy Jones is indestructable (before his heart was stabbed) what happens if you chop off his leg  
35. Cutler Beckett likes to play Warhammer.  
36. Despite the fact your a sea godess you can't get out of a cell.  
37. People don't notice reeds and lumps moving in the water  
38. Despite the fact the pirates code is kept locked up where not many can get to it. Every pirate knows it.  
39. The 'Good' side is Pirates the 'Bad' side is the Royal Navy.  
40. Jack always carries his flag with him. Despite the fact he hasn't ever run it up on the Pearl  
41. Dead people can talk.

* * *

**Submitted by _Anya.j.h:_**

if you are sailing in a very cold ice landscape, with ice in your hair and eyebrows, and your name is Will Turner you will still not button up your shirt, cause it will make you look un-pirate-ish.

It is indeed possible to hold your breath underwater for more then 5 minutes when forced underwater in a bathhouse in Singapore. Especially when you are a main character.

Chinese ships always hold an unlimited number of beautiful clothes for female prisoners/new female captains.

The credits at the end of the movie will not take less time no matter how many times you might curse them.

Fans are allowed to name the child of Will and Elizabeth without approval of the authors.

Just because you are the immortal captain of The Flying Dutchman doesn't mean that you can't change your shirt once every ten years. But NOT your magically appearing bandana!

It's possible to grow up in Glasgow and still not speak with an accent – Will Turner.

It is impossible to move a ship just by pulling on a rope.

It is possible to lift a prison door of its hinges, even though Will Turner did not participate in making the door.

Rocks are following us all.

Jackie is in everyone's way. Always.

It doesn't matter if Lizzie kisses anyone while Will is gone, cause they will die anyway ;-)

Will is now an immortal blacksmith, and it's a fact!

Some ships enjoy taking on the same fish-ish look as their current captain.

Falling 30 feet down into an rowing ocean will not kill you, IF you are a main character.

When you find your self in trouble, just accuse someone else of being the captain.

All Asians spoke English in the 18th century.

"Never shall we die" – ironically, most of them do die.

Remember to make your face look like Edvard Munch's "The Scream" when being stabbed in the heart by Davy Jones

* * *

**Submitted by _HSMxPiratesoftheCaribbeanxHSM:_**

That Jack Sparrow has the absolute worst luck with women. the only two that ever go back to him always end up slappin the hell out of him and the only one who kissed him just did so to kill him to save her and her fiance's own skin!

That even a great pirate such as Barbossa and all his crew, the Royal Navy, the Pelecosta cannibal people-who have undoubtably killed many things before-and the great Davy Jones cannot kill Jack Sparrow, but a high-society, spoiled woman can!

High society, spoiled brats can make great Pirate Kings!-even if they never wanted to be a pirate in the first place.

Will certainly had a 'Touch of Destiny' about him, eh? A and unfair one, though.

Even though Bootsrap knew all this crap about whoever stabs the heart would be the new captain of the Dutchman and that they would be under the curse, he never mentioned it to his son even after all the times Will said to his face that he would not rest till he stabbed the heart to free him. Some father, eh?

Tia Dalma, while being the lover of Davy Jones and all just in human form, was certainly willing to help Will, Elizabeth, and the crew to save Jack from Davy Jones and to help them find the Dutchman to get the key to stab his heart in the first place. Hmm...i wonder if that's how she intends to prove she loves him...  
I wonder if the same thing happens all over again with Will being in Davy's place and Elizabeth in Calypso's. (it better not!) Sort of like a deja vu thing...Wonder who'd be the one in Jack's place, eh?

That with all the cleverness and knowledge that they had, they didn't even take into consideration the fact that when they went all "up is down" that their gun-powder would get wet...

That to pirates, politics is pretty much who can beat someone over the head better.

That Will really wanted to finish his tea.  
Perhaps if Beckett had mentioned that it was his best china, maybe Davy wouldn't have thrown it out of Will's hand. Where was he during kindergarten when everyone else learned to "respect each other's belongings" ?

That Jack the monkey missed Jack Sparrow.

That Davy Jones really IS a heatrless bastard. He stabbed the cutest pirate in the Caribbean!

For sure you have to be lost to find a place that cannot be found, elseways everyone would know where it was.

That SaoFeng is a lot like Barbossa, except absent his merciful nature and sense of fair play.

Despite what Elizabeth thinks, in the middle of a maelstorm during a huge action scene between sea creatures and cruel "business men" really is the best time to marry Will...especially if the ceremony is performed by a pirate who once tried to kill them both.

That "keep a weather eye on the horizon" is what Will likes to say before he leaves Elizabeth for a while...1st when he left her in jail to retrieve Jack's compass, and then when he has to go captain a notorious, seaweed-sail, nasty, fishy, and recently evil ship at world's end w/o setting foot on land but once every 10 years.

That Jack still loves that hat...  
That Mr. Gibbs obviously doesn't know Jack well enough to know that he would make him go get his hat back after allowing him to throw it in victory.

The fact that Jack lied to you, never loved you, that it makes you look fat, that he's never been to Brussels, that it's pronounced egregious, and that he's never met pizzaro yet loves his pies, all pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that his ship is once again gone...Savvy?

That Jack doesn't have the face for tentacles

"9 pieces of whatever we happened to have in our pockets at the time" does not sound as piratey as "9 pieces of 8" even though it fits the description better seeing as they're pieces of junk.

* * *

**Submitted by _Bishieluver01:_**

Even if you become the new captain of the Flying Dutchman, it'll still be called Davy Jones' Locker.

The grim reaper's hair is blond and her name is Elizabeth.

If your in Singapore at a spa, you'll grow mushrooms on your head.

Jack's telescope is longer then Barbossa's

* * *

**Submitted by _mangolady:_**

In a battle, once one ship goes down, the dozens of other commanders of the dozen of other ships will give up, even if the still outnumber the enemy 4 to 1."

"Despite the number of times Jack's ship has been stolen, he still believes that he will find it safely tied up at the dock when he returns from a night with the ladies on shore

* * *

**Submitted by _Sapre Kench:_**

Your crab claw can't go through a brig door but the rest of your body can

Star can be reflected perfectly onto the ocean.

All the Pirate Lords from all over the world can speak English.

When Davy Jones' attention is on the guy holding his heart you don't move to get back to your feet and away from him.

Calypso's rope dress isn't as revealing as you might have thought and as she gets bigger much more rope is added.

Barbossa is the actual captain of the Black Pearl because he married Will and Elizabeth.

Thinking like Jack means tying bodies to barrels.

Those two guys on either shoulder aren't dressed as angels and devils

* * *

**Submitted by _iamanundeadmonkey:_**

jack sparrow can talk even when he has dropped his brain. even though the brain is supposed to stimulate all impulses and muscle movement

* * *

**Submitted by _softballgirl9411:_**

Monkeys make good cannonballs.

Singing makes coins ring

* * *

**Submitted by _DxS Phreak:_**

No matter how incredibly un-experienced, young, or plain old stupid you are, you can become Pirate King

* * *

**Submitted by _valindil:_**

that men without arms and with only half an eye are named larry


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Somethings wrong wid ma comp so I cant post u ppls entries. Nex chap Ill post them all.**

Gov. Swann is proud of Elizabeth.

Will needs his other boot.

The most logical thing to do when you're about to be hung is to burst into song and make the guards nervous.

Everything pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that Captain Jack Sparrow's ship is once again gone

You make babies by kissing someone's leg

The Black Pearl sails on both salt and water.

Davey JOnes locker is in fact not a locker

BArbosa is the only one who gets a happy ending

If you ever find yourself hungry, just look in your hair for a nut.

Kissing your pirate 'friend' won't matter to your current fiancée even if his breath is foul enough to knock your finacee off the ship

No matter how many times cannons knock out the support beams on your ship, the floor will never cave in.

there have been in fact many magnificent garden parties in which jack was NOT invited to

Dead men do tell tales

Davey Jones' locker is actually on land

Davey Jones' locker would now be named Will Turner's locker

Shrunken heads make god company

All pirate lords need bodyguards

Some scars can be so sexci

Barbossa's hat never falls off,

a goddess can be bound in human form by 9 pieces of whatever I have in my pocket,

the Kracken looks an awefyl lot like the dead alien from MIB2

Jack is too cool to throw his own hat

Gibbs is a very "colourful" pirate

Calypso is really a giant version of Miss Cleo.

When a woman gets about 50 feet tall on a ship, it won't sink


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: were almost done. Just a few more after this chap. For those out there with entries, that chap will be your last chance... lol not relli but if you still hav some after that, jus message me and ill hav an extra chap. but the story will be marked complete after the nex chap.

Ill be making my acknowledgements in that chap too so look out for your name.

* * *

**Submitted by _Tornintopeices:_**

Things I learnt from AWE  
1. When you snap a guitar string it's instantly repaired  
2. Shrunken heads don't smell  
3. Jack Sparrow is capable of pronouncing words and pulling faces that the rest of everyone else finds impossible  
4. If you become part of a ship you suddenly develop short term memory loss  
5. Even though you were hated enough to be made part of a ship the cell door is left open when there's no one but you in there  
6. All dudes with white wigs have keys to your jail cell.  
7. Despite the fact you've jumped from ship to ship you still have the dagger you got given in the previous movie  
8. Despite the fact most people would be dead, main evil people can walk down staircases slowly while the bit behind them is being blown up  
9. Despite the fact he didn't want to give you the ship in the first place Sao-Feng doesn't ask where the ship is or why they don't have it.  
10. Falling down a waterfall which is huge will not kill you  
11. Despite being stabbed in the heart you cannot die instantaniously if you are a main character.  
12. Pirates have no capability to name things creatively.  
13. When in doubt, blame someone else.  
14. 9 peices of eight needed to release a godess, sounds awfully like Horcruxes. I wonder who Disney is borrowing from?  
15. Bootstrap is evil.  
16. A broken nose can be cured by just wiggling it around  
17. Goats disappear on pirate ships.  
18. Jack the Monkey is either super old or supernatural  
19. Cutler Beckett gets upset if you blow the figurine of him up with a cannon.  
20. Cutler Beckett freezes up when faced with two ships either side of him  
21. A ship that explodes up from the water is totally normal for pirates.  
22. Actual pistols turn into primative water pistols when wet.  
23. Pirates never get tired of pointing guns at each other  
24. Double crossing is a sport  
25. Dejavu happens a lot in the Carribean  
26. No matter how annoyed everyone gets with Jack Sparrow no one can hurt him  
27. Becoming Pirate King gives you permission to trade people without their consent  
28. Davy Jones can get on land. You just need a load of buckets  
29. Barbossa isn't that cruel, he gave Jack rum  
30. When you are impaled on a huge thing of wood you will take ages to die  
31. It is possible to hit someone on the head with a shovel underneath a wooden floor without being heard.  
32. Will can change clothes quicker than a monkey on steroids  
33. Pirates always have a spare bandanna handy  
34. If you are immortal and ferry the dead around and happen to be called Will Turner it is against the rules not to have a shirt that is at least half open  
35. When the fish people loose their fishiness things they all disappear  
36. We must consign ourselves to the fact that we will never know precisely how the word 'egregious' came up in conversation.  
37. The key the dog holds unlocks everything, from cell doors to The Pirate Code  
38. Despite knowing nothing about doors and having only seen it done once and then having a lot of other things to worry about you will still remember precisely what 'Half pin barrel hinges' are and how to remove the cell wall. You will also have a handy bench to use to remove it  
39. The longer the film goes on the lower Wills shirt gets  
40. Elizabeth is the Grim Reaper. Explains why she doesn't age  
41. Despite having probably no treasure, no obvious way of working and a kid both Elizabeth and her kid look very healthy ten years on.

* * *

**Submitted by** _Almenel-Miriel:_

Animals are smarter than pirates!

Jack really does suffer from mental problems. Somehow it doesn't affect his leadership abilities.

It has never ocuured to the Navy that while the two ships were distracted in the malestrom, they could have tried taking down the other pirates and the Black Pearl.

Making things up as you go helps! As it ALWAYS saves your life.

Jack loves to talk. Doing things at the oppurtune moment is not his thing. Aparently he was waiting for Davy Jones to say more before stabbing the heart. Lesson learned: If you have the heart STAB! No need to let him know and no need to have a philosophical conversation.

* * *

**Submitted by _The Angel's Mask:_**

While giving birth on an island, you somehow obtain food, water, and new clothes for yourself and the child.

When being made Captain of the Flying Dutchman, You somehow obtain a new set of clothes and a bandana.

Every 'Jack' in the movie enjoys peanuts, including the monkey.

Gibbs loves his teddy bear.

Will's kid looks suspisciously exactly like the singing kid from the beginning of the movie, and himself when he was ten.

Beckett plays with dolls.

* * *

**Submitted by _InsaneIgor:_**

**** Ragetti would vote for Pintel

You can still use pistols as clubs if you have wet powder

If you land in the middle of the ocean after coming from Davy Jones Locker, you automatically know where the nearest island that has fresh water on it is

That even though all the other pirates under the curse were freed from it, the monkey remains undead

That there is prejudice against Fish People

That the freshly made pirate lord who is, in fact, female, can be a Pirate KING

That it was not Will's burden to bear

That for what we want most, a cost must be payed

Short people get the heaviest artillery

Mr. Cotton's parrot is a coward

We're still not sure who betrayed who when it came to Calypso and Davy Jones

That what Jack wants most when it comes to the Fountain of Youth is a bottle of rum.

Dogs can be saved from cannibals on a deserted island by sea turtles

* * *

**Submitted by _PirateKnightoftheRings:_**

A pirate King should have a queen, therefore Will is queen, therefore Jack could be right about somethings on Will.

Will and Jack are distantly related (according to Jack in COTBP).

The Rum is always gone. :(

It's STILL Jack's peanut

* * *

201. Maps that are made to roll up can have solid centers that spin.  
202. A rolled up mp can have a huge hole in it and not fall apart  
203. The large hole is only noticed when the map is unrolled  
204. Beckett doesn't fear death. Instead, he welcomes it.  
205. You have no idea how much Jack fears death… well we kinda do  
206. Excessive Eyeliner--not just for Avril-wannabes, emo kids, or drag queens. Hot pirates can work it too  
207. 6 of the 9 pirate lords are stereotypes  
208. Barbossa never plays fetch with his hat, Jack does  
209. the 9 pieces of 8 are just junk in some pirates cheap pocket  
210. When in doubt, throw the teacup.  
211. The saying; You have my heart, becomes literal.  
212. For once, the rum isn't gone  
213. If actually fear death you wound up alive in some form.  
214. -Those who don't fear death always die.  
215. -If the Captain of the Flying Dutchman gets lazy, he gets tentacles and becomes grumpy.  
216. -In sea wars let your two biggest ships settle the whole thing for you and just celebrate on the sideline if you are among the winners.  
217. -Tia Dalma can reveal Davy Jones true nature (a handsome old pirate, bring guys from the death but can't let herself out of the Brig.  
218. -Lord Beckett is very cruel, he killed had many people and the Kraken killed but can't give any orders when real death faces him, it's just good business.  
219. -Elizabeth actually has sexy legs.  
220. -Jack Sparrow became great by betraying and stealing from other pirates.  
221. Elizabeth has nice legs  
222. Monkeys make good cannonballs  
223. You have to be crazy for something to work  
224. It's ok to slap Gibbs  
225. That green flash isn't another epileptic fit, it's a soul returning from the locker  
226. Always trade Elizabeth for a ship and crew.  
227. No matter what Scarlett and Giselle always comes back to Jack, and they always leaves again.  
228. Monkeys can turn on you in a heartbeat.  
229. fireworks can be better than explosives  
230. If I'm not careful next time I flip over in a canoe/kayak/innertube, I could end up in "the world beyond this one"  
231. Governor Swann (may he rest in peace) never grows weary of that ridiculus wig.  
232. Will looks damn sexy as Captain of the Flying Dutchman.  
233. However, Davy Jones looks better as a squid. He was punching way above his weight with Tia, no wonder she didn't bother showing up  
234. Never trust anyone  
235. When Calypso grows bigger, the ropes holding her become bigger too  
236. Sea turtles are a good conversation starter.  
237. Rum is always behind you.  
238. The most romantic thing is feeling someone's leg  
239. A dog will hold keys for years and won't let go until keith Richards whistles  
240. We can always go to Davy Jone's locker and bring back the Titanic.  
241. The only thing more attractive than one Jack Sparrow is thirty  
242. Keeping your mother's shrunken head on your belt whilst spilling an alcoholic beverage on your bff whos a bit too old to sleep with a teddy bear is totally normal.  
243. If your a pirate, it doesnt matter how many times you take a bath in the bath house or take a swim in the ocean, you will ALWAYS be filthy and sweaty  
244. Will ended up being a pirate even though he never wanted to be  
245. No matter how much you never cry at movies, hearing Barbossa salute Elizabeth as "Mrs. Turner" will make you BAWL.  
246. no matter how much you never cry at movies, hearing Pintel say "goodbye Poppet" will make you tear up.  
247. You can't be afraid of getting WET!  
248. Jack likes peanuts  
249. Peanuts haunt you in your dreams  
250. Brains can be pulled out of your skull very easily 


	11. The End

**A/N: This is the end. Im sorry guys but after so long, my brain has stop processing PotC, esp since HP:DH is clouding it. I can no longer continue and these are the few remaining that plopped out some time ago.**

Id like to thank: **_LostWitch5, Sky Girl Butterfly, SltyherinSeduction, Kitty and Amethyst, The Angel's Mask, PirateKnightoftheRings, InsaneIgor, Almenel-Miriel, Tornintopeices, omgxiixluvxhc, Anya.j.h., Bishieluver01, mangolady, HSMxPiratesoftheCaribbeanxHSM, Sapre Kench, iamanundeadmonkey, softballgirl9411, valindil, Queen of the Caribbean, Moony's Shady Lady, Captain-Rogue-River, sasuke fanatic1, TheBeautyOfAPirate, Brix, ElvenSailorGirl, PartayyyyLikeARockstarr, silly-chickedee, BreathlessM, lovova, Power of the Wol, jillybean90, bored565, Nalana, angelicat123, Angel's Star, chocolatereaper, Little Miss Vampirate, orlysluv_ and_ LiTTleMiSSmOOny_ **and: _DxS Phreak, ScarletRosePetal, love lucky, Leia561, Heart of Shou, RiEsPr, Bookwrm17, punkballet, colonelheather, Artificial Life Creator, -POGLUVR-, Thorn-the-Fastidious-Witch, Warriorwolfess, Batya, Drop Your Oboe, smb0621, Courage57 _and_ Zaerith-Chan_

Again thanks for reading this list and not reporting me. Some did and I hate them for that but since nothing had happened, Im taking my chances.

See in another story if I get the inspiration

* * *

**Submitted by _LostWitch5:_**

1. Don't off Calypso

2. The goddess of the sea likes to hit on pirates in human form and then turns them into seafood.

3. Not all Disney movies have a happy ending.

4. Murtogg and Mulroy get distracted easily. VERY easily. Especially by Captain Jack Sparrow.

5. Murtogg and Mulroy fight a lot.

6. Beckett likes tea.

7. You have to wear a powdered wig to be considered "High-Society".

8. Jack is in love with his ship.

9. Jack is two timing his ship with his hat.

10. Jack is in love with his hat.

11. Having your ship blown up and going down with it is, 'just good buisness.' AMEN TO THAT!!

12. Monkey's don't like parrots.

13. Even though the other dead people in boats and the water are oblivious to your presence and can't hear you or talk to you, your dead father can.

14. Pirates like wearing bandana's.

15. Don't tak Jack's peanut.

16. Jack is in love with a goat.

17. Jack is two-timing the hat, his ship, AND the goat.

18. I WANNA BE A PIRATE!!

19. Little boy's carry ringing gold coins, burst out in song, and get hung on nooses.

20. GUNS GO BANG!

21. So do cannons.

22. Gibbs sleeps with a dirty, ear bitten teddy bear.

* * *

**Submitted by _Sky Girl Butterfly:_**

The one end of a rope is very big when it is around Calypso. However, if the other end of that rope is hold by pirates, that end is normally sized.

* * *

**Submitted by _SlytherinSeduction:_**

Elizabeth won't give up until she has kissed and caused the death every man in the Carribean.

Barbossa had an apple fetish until the third movie.

It is true that ugly parents have beautiful children: Jack is gorgeous and his parents...not so much.

* * *

**Submitted by _Kitty and Amethyst:_**

-When you're captain of the Flying Dutchman, you magically get a bandanna.

-Brains and rocks taste good.

-Davy Jones' Locker is no more. It's now 'Will Turner's Locker,'  
savvy?

-Will is taken, he belongs to Lizzie. Jack is also taken, he belongs to me. Holds up papers that make Jack Sparrow legal property of me However, you can have Gibbs.

-I love Jack Sparrow.

-Will is hot.

-Being Pirate King does not necessarily mean you need to be male.

-Jack Sparrow Will Turner You.

-Seeing AWE three times over makes you hear things.

-Wigs are OBVIOUSLY glued to your head.

-Will wasn't finished with that.

-Tia Delma has split personalities.

-So does Will.

-Doing the nasty thing on the beach where EVERYONE can see you and ANYONE can video tape you is smart.

* * *

1. Becoming the captain of The Flying Dutchman makes you grow earrings 

2. Sniffing on some piece of cloth makes you realize you need more steam

3. Jack hasn't learned how to fly

4. Tying a rope poorly can make you kill...yourself.

5. Jack likes goats

6. That's the same goat they had taken on the ship in DMC

7. Drinking tea can be "good business"

8. Cuttlefish are very important... fish

9. Don't ever speak when you have a high pitched voice, even when the person that speaks for you get's killed

10. Don't ask Barbossa to get you married when he's busy, JUST KISS!

11. Davy Jones can go through things

12. 4 people tried to kill poor ol' Jackie, and one of them succeeded.

13. That ride at Disneyland is really something special, three movies based of it

14. The ride, before the movies, wasn't even all that good

15. That wearing hats and kimonos in Singapore can make you look oriental!

16. Also...that Jack Sparrow does have the best "facial" ever with a perfectly clean, "no blackheads" on his beautiful nose!!!


	12. Extras

**Here are some extra entries that someone sent me after it ended. If anyone else wants to send me some, review!!**

* * *

**Submitted by _POCTfan4eva:_**

If you want to somehow meet Will Turner and get him to fall in love with you, kill yourself and tell him you fear death.

1. If you feel as if nothing good is in your life, and want to commit suicide, kiss Elizabeth Swann. It requires no effort, and you at least get a bit of pleasure before you die.

2.If you want to scare someone, looked bewildered and say "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow" It Always works.

3.If you have sex on a deserted island, with a man with no heart who is alive…you will get pregnant, and in 10 years you will not appear to look any older. So, if you don't ever want to look old, cut out someone's heart, lock it away, and do it on the beach.

Will Turner looks hotter when he has no heart.

* * *

**Submitted by _HSMxPiratesoftheCaribbeanxHSM:_**

1.Murtogg blames the fish people.

2.Fish people, by dint of being fish people, are automatically less disciplined than non-fish people.


End file.
